This blog was written by my spouse, Adam Colette. I just adore him.
Folks give you plenty of advice when you’re about to have your first child, which is generally cool with me. But I have been blown away by the percentage of that advice that’s centered in an idea of “warning” you of what’s to come. Basically some form of “ooooo boy you’re going to suffer!”. And while that can be true, (no sleep, no free time, life completely changed, etc) for me, it was a very visible example of our society’s addiction to creating connection through trauma.
I agree with a healthy dose of reality when preparing for a major life change. It’s certainly a good, focused, way to approach a new situation. Yet, I also very much hope we can deepen our efforts to support each other through positive motivation, lifting one another up and moving away from the sole focus on fear.
- MORE of “You’re amazing!” and “This is what really helped us be awesome parents!”
and
- LESS of “Good luck, ’cause your gonna wanna die of exhaustion!”
I recently posted about this on social media and the responses aligned with my experience.
Here are some quotes that really spoke to me:
“It’s as if you reached into my brain and touched something that I’ve been thinking for the past year.”
“The positives FAR out way the negatives. Being a parent was the greatest part of my life so far.”
“100% agree. We were just so thrilled to have a child in the first place that this type of advice always felt tired. And even once we had our daughter, it never really rang true.”
“No one is surprised by sleepless nights when you have a baby. We all know it’s going to happen. But it doesn’t last forever so it’s fine. All the terrible things are temporary but the awesome thing is permanent so it’s cool.”
“Letting go of expectations really helped me enjoy it and be more present and most of the time be an awesome parent.”
“It’s the hard that makes it so good.”
“Good for you to call out the typical drama victim script of parenting. It’s like everything else- you get to decide!”
“Yes, you will lose sleep and your life changes completely but you feel a love beyond anything you have ever felt before. It is incredible and makes all the other “scary” changes not scary at all.”
“Let me just reiterate the love factor.”
Marisol and I get into this topic deeper on our podcast, “Reading Aloud.” Don’t forget to give it a listen this week!
This type of advice is also true when you’re about to get married. How many of you heard about how hard/difficult that was going to be? Let’s do better, folx. Yes, it’s important to be vulnerable, raw and real and truthful about the things that challenge us. But let’s also remember to support, uplift and encourage each other for the challenges and joys ahead.
And if you need encouragement with a difficult situation today, let me just remind you that YOU’VE GOT THIS. In some way or another, you’ve been training your whole life for this moment.
Big Love, Y’all,
Adam Colette