There was a time when I’d post photos of myself online, and people would often comment on the fact that I wasn’t trying to make my body look more “flattering.” (If you’ve been around for a while, you know I have a lot to say about that word.)
They noticed I wasn’t always standing at the most slimming angle or hiding the little rolls, cellulite, or lumps and bumps that all bodies have.
What struck me wasn’t that people noticed those things. It was that they noticed when I wasn’t hiding them.
At the time, those comments felt significant because they reflected the culture. We were so used to seeing carefully posed, carefully edited bodies online that simply showing up as you were felt unusual enough to warrant comments.
For the record, I’ve posted plentyyyy of photos where I liked the lighting or angle. We’re of course naturally encouraged to present ourselves in the brightest light possible.
But it is 100% my responsibility to post photos where my body simply looks like itself as it does every other moment of the day.
If I’d waited until my body looked the way the internet expected it to, I never would’ve shown up postpartum. My body changed and fluctuated. And I didn’t want to do anything other than keep living my life in it.
I wasn’t trying to be brave. I was just trying to look human.
I know I’ve lived in a straight-sized body the majority of my adult life, and I know that comes with privilege. But honestly, I don’t think that’s why those comments have disappeared.
I think something better is happening.
We’re seeing more bodies of all shapes and sizes online.
More people are refusing to apologize for taking up space.
More creators are letting themselves be seen without waiting to become “more flattering.”
For years, I’ve encouraged my clients to unfollow anyone who makes them feel bad about themselves, and instead, intentionally fill their feeds with people of different sizes, shapes, ages, and abilities.
Because the more we see real bodies, the more ordinary they become. The more our brains expect to see what’s real instead of bracing for something unattainable, the more we’re retraining our brains. We’re quite literally rewiring the neural pathways that determine what feels normal, beautiful, and expected.
And I think we’re watching that happen in real time. No one really comments on my photos like that anymore.
And if that’s true…it might be one of my favorite things the internet has ever given us.
I would love for each and every human to grow up believing they don’t have to earn the right to be seen – that it is their birthright and they already have it.