The only words I know to start with are that I love you just as you are. Please hear this and know that I mean it so very deeply. This love and knowing of your inherent worth and beauty are the driving force for everything I do in life.
A new client said something to me that was a small but important revelation. She had come to a realization: “I am the one who decides if my outfit is cool.”
There’s an experience when we’re getting dressed and the room arrives before we do. You stand in front of the mirror and realize you really love what you’re wearing- a color that feels alive on you, or a silhouette that changes how you stand. You feel good, and then, almost as quickly, another voice joins in.
You start imagining the room you’re about to walk into and the people who will be in it. An internal negotiation starts about whether the outfit is too much, a weird fit, not “appropriate,” or more show-off-y than you meant.
Sometimes (and this is the one I like when it happens to me), the response is an inner rebellion. When my brain says, “You don’t get to decide if my clothes are cool. I DO.”
The next thing I’m going to say is big, so pay attention.
Style loses its purpose and its vitality the moment it becomes about approval. Your style as self-expression dies.
But when we rebel, letting people see who we genuinely are and what feels beautiful, interesting, and exciting to us, we become blessed. The vulnerability of all parts of ourselves being seen is more than beautiful- it’s our humanity and our birthright.
If you’ve seen Heated Rivalry, you already know what I’m talking about 
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That longing to be seen without editing ourselves doesn’t just exist in stories like this. It shows up in our closets, too. That’s the feeling all of us are experiencing when we’re watching this show.
I still catch myself in that negotiation sometimes. I’ll put something on that feels more like me, knowing it is going to make a less socially acceptable part of me visible.
Sometimes a client will hold up a piece that clearly lights them up, and they’ll hesitate. “I love this,” they’ll say, almost apologetically, “but I’m not sure I can pull it off.” What they’re really wondering is how they’ll be seen if they let that part of themselves show.
People will have opinions. They always do.
IMO, the work isn’t about becoming fearless or pretending that other people’s reactions don’t exist. It’s about learning to stay connected to that first feeling in the mirror, full stop, even while the world interprets you in its own way.
My suggestion: Think about how much I love you. If that doesn’t work, procrastinate 
. Leave yourself no time and run out the door before your thoughts hijack you and you change your mind (and your outfit)!
Over time, the outside voices matter less, not because they disappear, but because you’re quite literally retraining your brain, and those voices are no longer the ones making the decision. That role belongs to you.